A Love Song

I never was much for all the usual shit that people seem to live for. I wasn't sure for a while if I'd really be able to engage in the one thing that always gave me a boner: learning.

But the haze of the first bit of life seems to finally have cleared and what is left standing is my tenacious wonder at the universe. Learning, watching other people learn, seeing what weird, smart, silly, profound things they can come up with makes my brain tingle.  Makes me stop digging my heels in about this whole life thing and just throw my weight into it.

Life has a purpose and joy, and it exists in the insatiable curiosity to see what else there is to learn. Not in competition with others, but just to see what I can do with what I've been given (which just happens to be a lot).  And to see what others can teach me.

And so, I am happy. Consistently, every day, content.  And every night, excited to wake up the next morning to see what else I can fix, break, fix again.

Yay.

I want you to heal, body.  I know I haven't always wanted it that way, haven't always helped you the way I should in making that possible, but now is the time and I want you to heal.  I know that you are not always beautiful. I know that you'll never be widely admired.  And I've decided, today, that that is okay. I still want you to heal and be exactly the body you were meant to be.  Whatever that means. Just that I want you to run - like a well cared for engine - turn energy into production the way you ought to.  Not because you're beloved for your form, but because you make something and that's your purpose, ineffable as it may be to me. We'll live together for as long as we have in this inbetween space - you conducting all our business here on Earth and me as an interpreter. Something else will conduct. We'll be weird forever; we always have been. Riches and glory are unlikely. Pain and rejection is assured. let's enjoy what we can anyway.